Tales of IdiotClan, DumbClan, StupidClan, and DimClan
by Fatstar
Summary: Come, join me on a magical journey through the kingdom of WTFland and visit the noble IdiotClan, the strong DumbClan, the bashful StupidClan, and the amazing DimClan. WARNING: THE NAMES ARE TOO GOOD FOR LIFE. THEY MIGHT ALSO GIVE YOU CANCER. AHHH! TOO MANY OC'S!
1. Alligences

**Alligences**

 **IdiotClan**

Leader:

Fatstar: Fat brown and white tom with blue eyes.

Deputy:

Curlytoe: Ginger she-cat with curly fur.

Medicine Cat:

Uglyface: Ugly black tom with a squashed face.

Apprentice: Doodoopaw (white tom with green eyes).

Warriors:

Bananabrain: Yellow tabby she-cat with amber eyes.

Beebutt: White tom with black and yellow striped flanks.

Dirtface: Black tom with a brown face and yellow eyes.

Largeflank: Large russet tom with a fat butt.

Mushroomposh: Cream she-cat with brown eyes.

Fishlips: Silvery she-cat with a white muzzle.

Aprentice: Dullpaw (gray she-cat)

Wormhair: Light gray long-haired tom.

Apprentice: Threepaw (black tom with amber eyes)

Peepuddle: Yellow tom with yellow eyes.

Annoyingbrain: Red she-cat with blue eyes and a white tail-tip.

Queens:

Eggmeat: Yellow and red she-cat. Mother to Breathingkit (white she-kit) and Stinkykit (red and white tom).

Oldfeces: Smelly yellowish she-cat. Mother to Itkit (white tom), Thekit (yellow tabby she-kit), Lookakitkit (brown, lumpy tom-kit), and Kitkit (White, brown, and yellow she-kit).

Elders:

Twigwig: Brown tom with a fuzzy face.

Buttbrain: Stupid black and dark gray she-cat.

Blueeyes: Orange she-cat with flaming amber eyes.

 **StupidClan**

Leader:

Ummstar: Calico she-cat with a squashed looking body.

Deputy:

Whitefur: Black tom with blue eyes.

Medicine Cat:

Jasonpoo: Brown and white tabby tom. (Former kittypet)

Apprentice: Onehair (Ginger and white she-cat).

Warriors:

Cringeycat: Gray she-cat with dark green eyes.

Toadfrog: Dark brown and black tabby tom.

Amazingpebble: Yellow she-cat.

Apprentice: Dummypaw (black and ginger tom)

Longtail: White and yellow she-cat with a missing tail.

Answermeplease: Deaf brown she-cat.

Yellowwater: Orange and red tom with green eyes.

Apprentice: Poopaw (Mottled brown tom with blue eyes)

Bumblefart: Clumsy gray tom.

Skunkperfume: Black she-cat with a white stripe down her spine.

Queens:

Uglybutt: Black she-cat with a shriveled butt. Mother to seven kits, all toms, which are all black and all named "Buttkit".

Furryfur: Poofy white and gray she-cat with yellow eyes. Mother to Skinnykit (gray she-cat with thin fur), Nakedkit (White tom), and Gooeykit (gray and black tom).

Slimynose: Dark gray she-cat with a flash of white on her chest and a white tail-tip. Mother to Tomkit (Orange she-kit), Shekit (Dark gray tom), and Boikit (Black tom with green eyes).

Wigglyworm: Heavily pregnant red queen.

Elders:

Oldtom: Simply just an old tom.

Longclaw: Brown she-cat with no claws.

Maggotface: Ugly creamy she-cat.

Catname: Orange tom with a white muzzle and chest.

 **DumbClan**

Leader:

Thisisoneuglykitstar: The ugliest tom in all of the Clans. (So ugly, I can't describe it)

Deputy:

Trumpsupporter: Very stupid orange tom with some yellow fur on the top of his head.

Apprentice: Moneypaw: Orange tom with green eyes.

Medicine Cat:

Warriorcat: Brown and gray tom with a shriveled tail.

Warriors:

Medicineherb: Black she-cat with hazel eyes.

Skinnynose: Light gray tom.

Apprentice: Smoothiepaw (fat black she-cat)

Viciousmean: Gentle and sweet yellow she-cat.

Duckcheeto: White tom with orange points.

Tastymouse: White tom.

Apprentice: Grosspaw (Dirty golden tom)

Chokeplease: Yellow and black tom with amber eyes.

Freckleseverywhere: Mottled ginger she-cat.

Queens:

Toastyrock: Light brown she-cat with gray dapples and amber eyes. Mother to Cheesekit (yellow she-cat), Fuglykit (tortoiseshell tom), and Onionkit (light gray and white mottled tom).

Splashyface: Golden she-cat with dark tabby stripes. Heavily pregnant.

Elders:

Youngtom: Old gray and white tom with blue eyes.

Gassychicken: Yellow she-cat with a white underbelly and paws.

Grassbutt: Black tabby she-cat with green eyes.

 **DimClan**

Leader:

Zannystar: Handsome red and light ginger tom.

Deputy:

Chickenlegs: White she-cat with skinny yellow legs.

Apprentice: Orpaw (Orange tabby tom with white paws).

Medicine Cat:

Mushybug: Dark gray she-cat with feathery fur.

Apprentice: Wateryeye: Depressing black she-cat.

Warriors:

Dudeguy: Brown, gray, and white tom with blue eyes.

Retardcat: Ugly white tom.

Apprentice: Ratfacepaw (Ugly ginger she-cat).

Specialcabbage: Yellow and brown she-cat.

Apprentice: Jacobsatouriouspaw (Stupid yellow tom).

Mistakesaremade: Gray and ginger tom with deep amber eyes.

Apprentice: Poopaw (brown, lumpy tabby tom).

Doritomeme: Orange she-cat flecked with darker orange.

Burrbutt: Spiky black and silver tom.

Apprentice: Pawpaw (Fat black she-cat).

Queens:

Babyproducer: Silvery she-cat with yellow eyes. Mother to Yumkit (ginger and white she-cat), Hotkit (sexy white and silver she-cat), Infectedkit (sickly golden tom), Kissmenowdudeguyitsoutfirstsonkit (Shriveled brown and gray tom), Thatkit (Gray and brown she-cat), Namekit (Silvery gray she-cat), Hitlerkit (Dark gray tom), Pepekit (White and black tom), Aaarghkit (Ginger and silver she-kit), and Runoutofideasfornameskit (Black and brown she-cat).

Elders:

Spicyflank: Firery orange tom.

Thuglifecat: Orange, yellow, and silver she-cat with blue eyes.

Alphalphahair: Old light ginger tom.


	2. Prologue

**Prologue**

"The time is near," Uglyface mewed, his black pelt rippling.

Fatstar lashed his short tail. "Uglyface, what do you mean? What time?"

Uglyface simply dipped his squashed head. "It is coming soon."

Fatstar shivered and looked up at the pale sky of dawn. The sun had not yet risen. The old medicine cat's words sounded so ominous.

Uglyface wheezed.

Fatstar looked at his old friend with concern. "Uglyface, maybe your should go and lay down in your nest." he urged. "Doodoopaw added some swan feathers to make it softer."

Uglyface snorted. "I'm so old, all I do is sleep anyways. Let me stay awake to see it."

Fatstar tipped his head. "See what?"

Uglyface shrugged. "The time is near."

Fatstar growled. "What is near? _What?_ Oh, tell me Uglyface, please!"

The sun crept out from behind the hill, its first watery rays falling upon the two cats.

Uglyface shrugged. "Okay, if you insist."

Fatstar leaned closer.

"Breakfast."

Fatstar blinked. "What?"

Uglyface sighed. "Breakfast. _That_ is what's near."

Fatstar and Uglyface looked at each other. Then Fatstar dipped his head.

"Today's prophecy has been fulfilled." he mewed.

"Fatstar!"

Fatstar turned around to see his deputy and mate rushing up to him. "Yes, Curlytoe?"

"Fatstar, the dawn patrol found traces of StupidClan scent inside out border!"

Fatstar tensed. "How far inside?"

"Fifteen tail-lengths." she reported.

Fatstar hissed. "Those grossbutts!"

Curlytoe nodded. "What should we do?"

Fatstar growled. "I'm going to pay Ummstar a visit."

He padded up to the warrior's den. "Mushroomposh, Largeflank, Beebutt, Fishlips, and Wormhair! Meet me at the StupidClan border underneath the Fat Beech, and leave your apprentices here!" he yowled.

He turned around.

"StupidClan, forward!"

Fatstar gasped as StupidClan warriors surged into his camp, with Ummstar in the lead. Ummstar locked her gaze with Fatstar and pounced on him.

Fatstar choked as she fastened her claws into his throat.

" _Die!_ "


	3. Chapter 1: IdiotClan

**Chapter One: IdiotClan**

"With this life, I give you stupidness. Use it stupidly." Curlytoe gasped as she received her seventh life from her sister, Babypaw.

She felt numb, and witless. She temporarily forgot everything for a second. Curlytoe glanced down at the grass. _What is that thing…?_

Then the brief period of total stupidity was over.

"Oh, Babypaw, I've missed you so much," Curlytoe whispered as Babypaw faded away.

A dark brown and cream cat stepped out of the starry ranks of DunceClan.

"Dankywanky!" Curlytoe cried as she greeted her mother's brother. "You look so much better!"

Dankywanky said nothing but pressed his nose to hers. Curlytoe gasped as this life flooded through her, agony rolling through her body.

"With this life, I give you ignorance, and the consequences that follow afterwards."

Curlytoe nodded, her eyes glistening for a moment as she remembered her stillborn kit who she hadn't even bothered to name. She was somewhere out there in DunceClan, alone and nameless.

Then, finally, a large white and brown tom emerged from the DunceClan cats, his blue eyes glittering.

"Fatstar!" Curlytoe cried, rushing forward to meet her mate.

Fatstar purred. "My love, I have come to give you your last life. A life of foolishness. Use it to your advantage." He pressed his muzzle to hers.

Curlytoe cried out as the life surged through her body. It was by far the most painful. Her nose was disintegrating. Surely, her insides were tearing eachother apart. Spasm after spasm of pure agony overtook her body. When the pain was finally over, she lifter her wet eyes to her mate.

"I love you," she whispered.

"Take care of our kit. Slugkit needs his mother," he whispered.

"Curlystar!"

"Curlystar!"

"Curlystar!"

Curlystar awoke with a gasp. "Uglyface!"

Uglyface looked up. "I'm here," he whispered hoarsely.

Curlystar stood up on the Bonehead Rock. "I need to get back to camp. I want to say goodbye to Fatstar one last time," she mewed.

Uglyface rose stiffly. "Okay," he muttered.

 _Back at camp..._

"Goodbye, Fatstar," Curlystar whispered. She pressed her muzzle to her mate's cold flank one last time.

The elders, Twigwig, Buttbrain, and Blueeyes, carried Fatstar away.

"Curlystar."

Curlystar looked around, her ears pricked. "Yes, Eggmeat?"

Eggmeat dipped her head. "I think that my kits are ready to be apprenticed," she mewed. "Breathingkit and Stinkykit are both six moons old."

Curlystar nodded. "That may be just what we need. Some good news."

IdiotClan was in bad shape. They lost the battle with DumbClan, and had to forfeit a large portion of their territory. Fatstar was the only cat who died, thank goodness, but IdiotClan was still short of warriors, and leaf-bare was just around the bend.

Curlystar bounded up onto the Idiot Ledge. "Let all cats idiotic enough to walk around backwards in circles join under the Idiot Ledge for a Clan meeting!" she called.

Mushroomposh and Annoyingbrain looked up from sharing tounges and padded over to the Idiot Ledge. Largeflank and Beebutt padded out of the warrior's den. Oldfeces stood at the entrance of the nursery with her four kits as the rest of the Clan filed into the center of camp.

"Today, we will be appointing some apprentices!" Curlystar yowled. "Breathingkit, come forward!"

Breathingkit padded forward, her small head held high in pride.

"Breathingkit, do you promise to uphold the Code of the Dunces and defend it with your life?"

"I do!" Breathingkit squeaked.

"Then from this day forward, you will be known as Breathingpaw! Your mentor will be Peepuddle!" Curlystar called.

Breathingpaw padded forward, her eyes glittering with excitement as she touches noses with her mentor.

"Stinkykit, come here!"

Stinkykit padded forwards.

"Stinkykit, do you promise to uphold the Code of the Dunces and defend it with your life?" Curlystar yowled. She knew that Stinkykit was troublesome and she hoped that he would sincerely mean the promise that he was about to make.

He shrugged. "Sure."

Curlystar frose. _Sure? What does me mean by that?_

Then he cleared his throat. "I do."

"Then from this day forward, you will be known as Stinkypaw! Your mentor will be Bananabrain!"

Stinkypaw strutted forwards to touch noses with Bananabrain. "You're going to be a great warrior, Stinkypaw." Bananabrain murmured.


	4. Chapter 2: StupidClan

**Chapter Two: StupidClan**

Ummstar lashed her tail in triumph.

 _Yes! I have finally taken the Rocks of the Smelliness from IdiotClan! What a prize!_

Her deputy, Whitefur, sat besides her, his ebony-black fur rippling in the dark breeze. His blue eyes glimmered thoughtfully as he watched his leader pace around him.

"Ummstar!"

Ummstar whipped around to find one of her loyal warriors, Stormstorm, and her apprentice, Smellypaw facing her.

"Ummstar, may I take Smellypaw to the Rocks of Smelliness? He wants to roll around in the IdiotClan crap over there!" the dark gray she-cat that looks like a dark gray she-cat that looks like a storm mewed. (That's the actual description that Emojiswagger123 gave me :P)

Ummstar blinked her soft amber eyes. "Okay, be careful though."

Whitefur rose to his paws. "Bring a warrior with you." he advised.

Stormstorm dipped her head. "Okay!"

Smellypaw and Stormstorm turned away. Smellypaw scanned the camp. _Which warrior should come with us?_

His eyes fell on Bumblefart.

"Hey, Bumblefart!" he called, beckoning the gray tom over.

Bumblefart only tripped once as he crossed the clearing. "Yeah?" he panted.

Smellypaw glanced at his mentor who nodded.

"Do you want to come with us to the Rocks of Smelliness?" he purred.

Bumblefart nodded, his eyes shining. "Of course!"

 _Spending the day with this swag apprentice and his pretty mentor? What a total score!_ Bumblefart congratulated himself as the three cats crossed the clearing and ducked out of camp.

Stormstorm flicked her tail. "It's gopher season," she warned Bumblefart. "So there's going to be a lot of holes in the ground. Be careful."

Bumblefart nodded. "I will," he mewed as he tripped on a particularly prominent and deep gopher hole.

Bumblefart's fur burned as Stormstorm looked at him with those oh-so blue, stormy eyes.

But she didn't say anything, and her only response was a huff.

 _Darn it! Why am I so clumsy?_ He thought to himself.

As the three cats padded across Stupid Clan's meadows, Bumblefart tripped for a total of twelve times. Smellypaw sighed with relief as they reached the Rocks of Smelliness.

 _Ugh, it was almost as bad as having Cringycat here!_ He thought to himself. _I mean, I like Bumblefart and he's good fun, but why does he have to be so clumsy all the time?_

Smellypaw glanced at Bumblefart, who had collapsed on his side and was licking his sore paws. His heart twisted with pity.

 _I shouldn't judge him. It's not his fault._

Then he smelled something. Something amazing and aromatic and pungent. _Cat crap!_

Smellypaw followed the beautiful scent until he found the place where all the IdiotClan cats came to do their dirt.

"The Dirthole!" he yowled out loud, delighted. Without hesitation, he leapt into the pile of poo and rolled around, relishing the squishiness and softness of the poo as he rubbed it into his brown pelt.

Meanwhile, Bumblefart was trying to work up the courage to talk to Stormstorm.

 _She's perfect._ He thought dreamily while stealing glances at the dark gray she-cat. Her pelt was dark and rich like a stormcloud, and it was so soft yet sleek. Her eyes were as blue as the sky but stormy, and she was brave and kind and compassionate.

Stormstorm sighed inwardly. _Why Bumblefart?_

She had to let Smellypaw choose Bumblefart to not appear as rude.

 _He's so clumsy and aloof. He makes me so uncomfortable. Why, why, why?_

Bumblefart and Stormstorm had both been apprentices at the same time for three moons, training and hunting and fighting together. Then Stormstorm received her warrior name and left Bumblefart behind.

Stormstorm's fur pricked and she knew that Bumblefart was staring at her again. She turned around, ready to hiss at him, but was stopped by the look in his eyes.

Bumblefart's light green eyes widened for a second, and then glanced away quickly. Stormstorm's stomach gave a funny jolt and she stood up quickly.

"Smellypaw?" she called, "Where are you?"

Stormstorm really didn't care where her apprentice was because she knew that he was responsible and wouldn't be far away. She just wanted to escape Bumblefart's green gaze and the feelings that stirred inside of her chest when the thought of the light gray warrior.

 _You. Can't. Love. Bumblefart. Period._

Stormstorm quickened her pace a little more. "Smellypaw, where are you? We need to get back to camp soon. The sun's setting."

 _Back at camp…_

"Uglybutt!" Jasonpoo hissed. "One of your kits is eating the catmint again!"

The black queen hurried into the medicine cat den, looking harried.

"Buttkit!" she scolded, "What did I tell you about not eating the medicine cat's herbs?"

Buttkit blinked his bright blue eyes innocently. "To not eat the herbs?"

Buttkit's brother, also named Buttkit, scampered into the den. "Buttkit, there you are!" he panted. "We've all been looking for you!"

The "we've" were Buttkit's five _other_ littermates, all of them named "Buttkit". Uglybutt had named all seven of her kittens "Buttkit" in hopes that their butts would look better than hers.

Uglybutt shooed her kits out of the medicine den and into the clearing where.

"Okay, now who remembers what I've told you about eating…" Uglybutt's voice trailed off as Ummstar strode up to her, her amber eyes flashing.

"Uglybutt, we have a problem."

Uglybutt cowered. "Yes, Ummstar?"

Ummstar flicked her tail at all seven of her kits. "These kits are all troublesome. And all named 'Buttkit'."

Uglybutt looked up at Ummstar. "Your point…?"

Ummstar hissed. "We need to give them different names!"

Uglybutt looked taken aback. "But… but Ummstar, you surely can't rename all seven of my kits!"

Ummstar hissed. "Watch me!"

She strode up to the biggest black kit. "You are now Buttkit1." she said. The rest of his littermates became Buttkit2, Buttkit3, Buttkit4, Buttkit5, Buttkit6, and Buttkit7.

Uglybutt sniffed. _Well, at least she still kept "Butt" in their names._

Ummstar nodded. "These kits are five moons old, yes?"

Uglybutt shuffled her paws. "Actually, they're three."

Ummstar shrugged. "Whatever. They're having their apprentice ceremony now."

"Now?" Uglybutt gasped. "But that's against the-"

"Let all cats stupid enough to call a raven a squirrel gather around the Stupid Mushroom!" Ummstar yowled, cutting across Uglybutt's feeble protest as she made her way to a large, bright orange mushroom at the center of the camp.

Once all the cats had clustered around her, Ummstar beckoned Uglybutt's seven kits towards her. The Clan started whispering as the news of Uglybutt's kits' early apprentice ceremony swept around the clearing.

Whitefur gazed up as his leader. "Are you sure, Ummstar? Will DunceClan approve?"

Ummstar hissed. "I am leader. The leader's word is law."

Whitefur dipped his head, but his ears still twitched nervously.

A shadow fell over the clearing.

"Cats of StupidClan, we-" Ummstar's mew broke off with a yowl. Deep, purple, angry clouds rolled across the sky, covering up the sun. Lightning flickered across the sky. One arched off and struck the camp wall, and it burst into flame.

"DunceClan is angry!" Uglybutt wailed as a brilliant bolt of lightning threw itself from the sky and hit Ummstar, her body illuminated by a flash as bright as the sun itself.

 **OC's from this chapter: Smellypaw, by Redwut, and Stormstorm, by Emojiswagger123. (GIMME YOUR OC'S PPLZ AND GIMME YOUR REVIEWS TOO, DON'T FORGET DEM REVIEWS!)**


	5. Chapter 3: DumbClan

**Chapter Three: DumbClan**

Thisisoneuglykitstar turned his hideous face towards the purple storm hovering over the StupidClan meadows. He smirked.

"Ummstar's breaking the rules again," he purred to his deputy, Trumpsupporter.

"Ya she iz not vary smurt by braking da ruls," Trumpsupporter spluttered.

Thisisoneuglykitstar's whiskers twitched. His deputy wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.

"Have you sent out the hunting patrol yet?" he asked, not taking his eyes off the storm.

"Ah, nu," Trumpsupporter said. "I'm doin' it naw."

"Okay," Thisisoneuglykitstar murmured, lost in thought.

Trumpsupporter padded up to the warrior's den, where the DumbClan cats were resting in it from yesterday's battle with DimClan over a stretch of prey-rich territory. They lost.

"Ah, Appledapple, Sweetcharm, Marysuecat, and Cancan, go huntin'." Trumpsupporter said, turning away to lumber after his apprentice, Moneypaw, who was hissing at Pondfalconfieldvipertheseshouldallbecanonprefixespaw.

Cancan shook out her gray fur. Her rainbow eyes trailed thoughtfully over Sweetcharm, who had not yet risen at Trumpsupporter's command.

"Sweetcharm, we need to go on a hunting patrol," she whispered, flicking her denmate's ear.

Sweetcharm hissed and swiped at Cancan's nose with her paw, her long claws unsheathed.

"Shut up, Cancan!" Sweetcharm hissed. "Let me sleep!"

Cancan hissed at Sweetcharm. "We need to go hunting! Trumpsupporter ordered us to! We can't exactly ignore a deputy's order."

Sweetcharm snorted but got up, her eyes narrowed with malice.

Cancan sighed with relief and padded out of the den, where Appledapple and Marysue cat were already standing and patiently waiting for the two cats to show their faces.

Marysue cat's pink and purple fur shone in the afternoon light, and she blinked her eyes, which shone like stars. Cancan admired Marysuecat, and wanted to be just like her.

Sweetcharm padded out of the den, grumbling. "Let's just get this over with." she growled.

The four cats turned and padded out of camp.

Marysuecat flicked her tail at her brother, Appledapple. "Let's hunt together. Maybe can can catch a few ducks for supper!" Marysue cat mewed, thinking of the queen Toastyrock and her three kits.

Appledapple shrugged. "Okay."

Marysuecat turned to look at Cancan and Sweetcharm. "Maybe you two can work together?"

Sweetcharm took one look at Cancan and hissed, "No way! I'll hunt with Cancan only after all my fur falls out!"

Cancan's rainbow eyes stopped glowing and she drooped her tail.

"Okay," Cancan muttered in a small voice. "See you guys later."

Marysuecat looked at the gray she-cat sadly for a moment. Then she turned to see Sweetcharm's dark brown tabby pelt disappear into the scrubby bushes. She wanted to hiss.

Appledapple nudged her. "Where do you want to hunt?"

Marysuecat blinked. "How about by the duck pond? I know that Onionkit just _adores_ ducks."

Appledapple shrugged. "Okay."

Cancan walked through the dense shrubbery, her paws sinking into the marshy ground. Her pelt was filthy from dragging herself through the mud, but she didn't care.

 _What's wrong with me? Why doesn't anycat want to be my friend?_

Just then, Cancan caught a whiff of unfamiliar cat scent.

 _Intruder!_

Cancan slunk under a rotting log, shuddering as the decaying bark squished against her fur. She waited for the intruder to show itself. After a few moments, the hawthorn bushes shivered and a flaming orange cat padded out, it's blue eyes wary.

Cancan hissed and lunged at the cat, overpowering it easily. It was a tom.

"I wanna poop on me fart!" he shrieked.

Cancan hissed. "What?"

"I wanna poop on me fart! I wanna poop on me fart!" the orange tom cried out, his voice high-pitched with fear."

"What's your name?" Cancan hissed.

"Bob! My name is Bob!" the orange tom cried.

"Well, Bob, you're coming with me! You're on DumbClan territory, and I'm taking you to our leader, Thisisoneuglykitstar!" Cancan hissed.

"I wanna poop on me fart!" Bob wailed.

"SHUT UP!" Cancan roared, cuffing Bob not too gently around his ears. The tom silenced at one.

"Well, well… what do we have here?"

Cancan turned around to see Sweetcharm emerge from the bushes, her dark tabby pelt ruffled with amusement.

"That was very interesting to watch, Cancan. I didn't know that you could be anything other than dense or sweet… or both at the same time!" Sweetcharm drawled.

Cancan gritted her teeth, her rainbow eyes fizzing. "Just help me take this prisoner back to camp, okay?" she hissed.

Sweetcharm's eyes flashed.

"Will do." she mewed. Then she winked at Cancan.

Cancan sighed, her anger ebbing away.

 _Oh well. At least she's not mocking me anymore. In a perfect world, everycat would be nice me._

But this was not a perfect world.

This was just WTFland.

 **OC's used: Cancan, Sweetcharm, Appledapple, Marysuecat, and Pondfalconfieldvipertheseshouldallbecanonprefixespaw, all by Night of Cloudy Sky, and Stinkybob (Bob) by SilverMidnightMoon.**


	6. Just to Clear Things Up

Just to clear up some confusion… WTFland stands for: The Wonderful but Terrible Fatstar Land. ;)

Plot:

None. I'm coming up with this stuff off the top of my head.

Main Characters:

Different main characters depending on each chapter, but the _main_ main character is Curlystar.

Chapters:

They go in "sets". Each "set" contains four chapters, one from each Clan's POV.

Allegiances:

They are updated at the beginning of every chapter set.

Post:

I will post as often as I can, but school is butty so I probably will only post on the weekends… sorry! :D

Dear Dad,

There are no bad words in this story. Just stupidness. And ignore my cancer jokes.


	7. Chapter 4: DimClan

**Chapter Four: DimClan**

"Let all cats dim enough to eat the dirt on the Dirtplace gather around the Dirtplace for a Clan meeting!" Zannystar yowled.

Chickenlegs, DimClan's deputy, Mushybug, the medicine cat, and Wateryeye, Mushybug's apprentice, gathered around Zannystar in a half-circle while the rest of the cats fanned out behind them.

Zannystar cleared his throat and scanned the crowd of cats, searching for his mate, Specialcabbage. Zannystar found her sitting next to their son, Jacobsartouriouspaw. Zannystar narrowed his eyes as he glared at his son.

Jacobsartouriouspaw was too… _strange_. He always sang in a off-tuned voice whenever he saw Ratfacepaw. Zannystar also found him tapping on some wood with his paws rhythmically, while screeching to the beat of his thrumming paws.

That is why something must be done.

"Jacobsartouriouspaw, come here." Zannystar growled.

Jacobsartouriouspaw glanced at his mother, then shrugged. He padded up to Zannystar, his ears flattened warily.

"Jacobsartouriouspaw, I have had to make a very difficult decision." Zannystar began. "It kept me up for countless nights, and now I have finally made my decision."

Jacobsartouriouspaw glanced nervously over his shoulder at Poopaw, his best friend. Poopaw shrugged, his brown, lumpy tabby fur quivering.

Zannystar made a quick decision. "Poopaw, come up here too."

Poopaw heaved himself to his paws and padded next to his best friend.

"Jacobsartouriouspaw, you are a nuisance to the Clan. You are strange, unhelpful, and unproductive. You cannot hunt, fight, or even sing." Zannystar growled. "You need to be taught a lesson."

Jacobsartouriouspaw shivered, his yellow fur starting to spike along his spine.

Zannystar growled. "You are banished from DimClan-"

"NO!" Specialcabbage shrieked, cutting off Zannystar. "You can't! He's your _son!_ "

"Silence!" Zannystar roared. "Shut up woman, I'm not done speaking!"

Specialcabbage closed her mouth, but her eyes were still full of disbelief and anger.

"As I was saying…" Zannystar growled, "You are banned from DimClan for a moon, _a moon only_ , and you must survive by yourself."

Jacobsartouriouspaw gulped and nodded, his blue eyes wide with shock.

" _But_ ," Zannystar growled softly, "You may have the help of a companion… Poopaw. If he agrees."

Jacobsartouriouspaw looked at his best friend. "Will you…?"

Poopaw remained silent for a moment, his brow furrowed. Then he lifted his head and turned his calm brown eyes onto Zannystar.

"Yes." he mewed. "I will help Jacobsartouriouspaw."

Jacobsartouriouspaw purred gratefully, pressing his muzzle into his friend's shoulder.

"You two leave _now_." Zannystar hissed.

" _Now?_ " Jacobsartouriouspaw gasped in shock.

"Yes, now, you useless lump of fur!" Zannystar growled. "Dudeguy, bring your apprentice OMGTHECAPLOCKSISONANDICANNOTFINDTHEOFFBUTTONpaw and escort them to the border. They will spend their moon in the unclaimed and neutral territory."

Dudeguy nodded. "Groovy man." he mewed, nudging his apprentice. "Come on man, we have to walk some."

OMGTHECAPLOCKSISONANDICANNOTFINDTHEOFFBUTTONpaw nodded. She was a small black she-cat that happens to be created when the cap locks button was on and i couldn't turn in off until i write the description.

That is the description, write exactly that. (The exact words from Emojiswagger123)

As the four cats padded out of camp, Zannystar dismissed the meeting. Specialcabbage stalked towards her mate, her green eyes flashing.

"This was totally uncalled for! You're out of control!" she hissed.

Zannystar purred. "But I'm also leader, so you can't do anything about it."

Specialcabbage eyed him. "But you're also on your last life… so unless you stop being a tyrant, maybe there's something that I can do about it…"

Zannystar hissed and narrowed his eyes. "What are you suggesting… _dear_?"

Specialcabbage simply said, "I want a divorce."

Zannystar shrugged. "Fine."

Specialcabbage took a step back, her eyes widened with surprise. " _Do you even care?_ "

Zannystar sighed. "No, not really."

Specialcabbage choked back an exclamation of shock. "Fine."

She turned and stalked away, her mind reeling. The she started forming a plan.

Specialcabbage stood, shivering, under a dead beech tree in the middle of the forest.

 _When are they going to show up? If they show up._

Just then, the bushes shivered and parted, revealing Retardcat and Doritomeme. Specialcabbage dipped her head.

"Welcome," she murmured.

She smelled Blorpblorp and Ratfacepaw a few heartbeats before she saw them.

"Are we all here?" Specialcabbage mewed.

Ratfacepaw nodded. "You told no cat else."

Specialcabbage let out a shaky breath. "Okay, you know why we are all gathered here tonight."

Blorpblorp lashed his tail. "Zannystar," he growled.

Specialcabbage nodded. "Zannystar."

Ratfacepaw sighed. "He banished Jacobsartouriouspaw and Poopaw for a _whole moon!_ "

Doritomeme nodded. "And he changed Butterpaw's name to Ratfacepaw when she accidently caught her face in a rat trap and fractured her cheekbone!"

Ratfacepaw shuddered, recalling the horrible memories.

Specialcabbage nodded. "Zannystar's a tyrant, always dragging us into unnecessary battles and abusing his own cats, day after day!" she cried. "Something must be done!"

Retardcat howled. "Me must kill Zannystar!"

"Yes! What an excellent idea!" Specialcabbage purred.

"Kill Zannystar! Kill Zannystar!" Ratfacepaw and Doritomeme chanted. All the other cats quickly joined in.

"Kill Zannystar! Kill Zannystar!" they howled into the night.

A mile away, Zannystar woke up from a terrible dream.

Words from his nightmare still echoed in his ears.

" _Kill Zannystar! Kill Zannystar!"_


	8. WTFland: UPDATED Allegiances

**Allegiances**

 **IdiotClan**

Leader:

Curlystar: Ginger she-cat with curly fur.

Deputy:

Mushroomposh: Cream she-cat with brown eyes.

Apprentice: LOLIWANNABURRITOTOSMUSHINYOURFACEpaw (burrito-colored tom who randomly finds burritos to smush in faces. Never eats them.). (SilverMidnightMoon)

Medicine Cat:

Uglyface: Ugly black tom with a squashed face.

Apprentice: Doodoopaw (white tom with green eyes).

Warriors:

Bananabrain: Yellow tabby she-cat with amber eyes.

Apprentice: Stinkypaw (red and white tom).

Beebutt: White tom with black and yellow striped flanks.

Dirtface: Black tom with a brown face and yellow eyes.

Doodoo: Brown, mushy tom. (Emojiswagger123)

Kitkat: Brown tom with an orange line on him from head to tail and chest to tail. (jcraig9326)

Largeflank: Large russet tom with a fat butt.

Fishlips: Silvery she-cat with a white muzzle.

Apprentice: Dullpaw (gray she-cat)

Wormhair: Light gray long-haired tom.

Apprentice: Threepaw (black tom with amber eyes)

Peepuddle: Yellow tom with yellow eyes.

Apprentice: Breathingpaw (white she-cat).

Annoyingbrain: Red she-cat with blue eyes and a white tail-tip.

Eggmeat: Yellow and red she-cat.

Queens:

Oldfeces: Smelly yellowish she-cat. Mother to Itkit (white tom), Thekit (yellow tabby she-kit), Lookakitkit (brown, lumpy tom-kit), and Kitkit (White, brown, and yellow she-kit).

Elders:

Twigwig: Brown tom with a fuzzy face.

Buttbrain: Stupid black and dark gray she-cat.

Blueeyes: Orange she-cat with flaming amber eyes.

 **StupidClan**

Leader:

Ummstar: Calico she-cat with a squashed looking body.

Deputy:

Whitefur: Black tom with blue eyes.

Medicine Cat:

Jasonpoo: Brown and white tabby tom. (Former kittypet)

Apprentice: Onehair (Ginger and white she-cat).

Warriors:

Cringeycat: Gray she-cat with dark green eyes.

Toadfrog: Dark brown and black tabby tom.

Amazingpebble: Yellow she-cat.

Apprentice: Dummypaw (black and ginger tom)

Stormstorm: dark gray she-cat that looks like a dark gray she-cat that looks like a storm.

(Emojiswagger123)

Apprentice: Smellypaw (smelly brown tom). (Emojiswagger123)

Longtail: White and yellow she-cat with a missing tail.

Answermeplease: Deaf brown she-cat.

Yellowwater: Orange and red tom with green eyes.

Apprentice: Poopaw (Mottled brown tom with blue eyes)

Bumblefart: Clumsy gray tom.

Skunkperfume: Black she-cat with a white stripe down her spine.

Queens:

Uglybutt: Black she-cat with a shriveled butt. Mother to seven kits, all toms, which are all black, who are named Buttkit1, Buttkit2, Buttkit3, Buttkit4, Buttkit5, Buttkit6, and Buttkit7.

Furryfur: Poofy white and gray she-cat with yellow eyes. Mother to Skinnykit (gray she-cat with thin fur), Nakedkit (White tom), and Gooeykit (gray and black tom).

Slimynose: Dark gray she-cat with a flash of white on her chest and a white tail-tip. Mother to Tomkit (Orange she-kit), Shekit (Dark gray tom), and Boikit (Black tom with green eyes).

Wigglyworm: Heavily pregnant red queen.

Elders:

Oldtom: Simply just an old tom.

Longclaw: Brown she-cat with no claws.

Maggotface: Ugly creamy she-cat.

Catname: Orange tom with a white muzzle and chest.

 **DumbClan**

Leader:

Thisisoneuglykitstar: The ugliest tom in all of the Clans. (So ugly, I can't describe it)

Deputy:

Trumpsupporter: Very stupid orange tom with some yellow fur on the top of his head.

Apprentice: Moneypaw: Orange tom with green eyes.

Medicine Cat:

Warriorcat: Brown and gray tom with a shriveled tail.

Warriors:

Medicineherb: Black she-cat with hazel eyes.

Skinnynose: Light gray tom.

Apprentice: Smoothiepaw (fat black she-cat)

Viciousmean: Gentle and sweet yellow she-cat.

Duckcheeto: White tom with orange points.

Cancan: gray she-cat with rainbow eyes. (Night of Cloudy Sky)

Sweetcharm: Mean, nasty she-cat with long claws and dark brown tabby fur. (Night of Cloudy Sky)

Appledapple: Mottled ginger-and-brown tom. (Night of Cloudy Sky)

Apprentice: Pondfalconfieldvipertheseshouldallbecanonprefixespaw (Multicolored tom with one green eye and one yellow eye). (Night of Cloudy Sky)

Marysuecat: Pink-and-purple she-cat with star-colored eyes. (Night of Cloudy Sky)

Tastymouse: White tom.

Apprentice: Grosspaw (Dirty golden tom)

Chokeplease: Yellow and black tom with amber eyes.

Freckleseverywhere: Mottled ginger she-cat.

Queens:

Toastyrock: Light brown she-cat with gray dapples and amber eyes. Mother to Cheesekit (yellow she-cat), Fuglykit (tortoiseshell tom), and Onionkit (light gray and white mottled tom).

Splashyface: Golden she-cat with dark tabby stripes. Heavily pregnant.

Elders:

Youngtom: Old gray and white tom with blue eyes.

Gassychicken: Yellow she-cat with a white underbelly and paws.

Grassbutt: Black tabby she-cat with green eyes.

 **Cats Outside of DumbClan:**

Bob (Stinkybob): Flaming orange tom with blue eyes who is smelly and weirdly dumb. (SilverMidnightMoon).

 **DimClan**

Leader:

Zannystar: Handsome red and light ginger tom.

Deputy:

Chickenlegs: White she-cat with skinny yellow legs.

Apprentice: Orpaw (Orange tabby tom with white paws).

Medicine Cat:

Mushybug: Dark gray she-cat with feathery fur.

Apprentice: Wateryeye: Depressing black she-cat.

Warriors:

Dudeguy: Brown, gray, and white tom with blue eyes.

Apprentice: OMGTHECAPLOCKSISONANDICANNOTFINDTHEOFFBUTTON (She was a small black she-cat that happens to be created when the cap locks button was on and i couldn't turn in off until i write the description.

That is the description, write exactly that.) (Emojiswagger123)

Retardcat: Ugly white tom.

Apprentice: Ratfacepaw (Ugly ginger she-cat).

Specialcabbage: Yellow and brown she-cat.

Apprentice: Jacobsartouriouspaw (Stupid yellow tom).

Mistakesaremade: Gray and ginger tom with deep amber eyes.

Apprentice: Poopaw (brown, lumpy tabby tom).

Doritomeme: Orange she-cat flecked with darker orange.

Blorpblorp: Pale yellow tom with criss-cross blue eyes.

Burrbutt: Spiky black and silver tom.

Apprentice: Pawpaw (Fat black she-cat).

Queens:

Babyproducer: Silvery she-cat with yellow eyes. Mother to Yumkit (ginger and white she-cat), Hotkit (sexy white and silver she-cat), Infectedkit (sickly golden tom), Kissmenowdudeguyitsoutfirstsonkit (Shriveled brown and gray tom), Thatkit (Gray and brown she-cat), Namekit (Silvery gray she-cat), Hitlerkit (Dark gray tom), Pepekit (White and black tom), Aaarghkit (Ginger and silver she-kit), and Runoutofideasfornameskit (Black and brown she-cat).

Elders:

Spicyflank: Fiery orange tom.

Thuglifecat: Orange, yellow, and silver she-cat with blue eyes.

Alfalfahair: Old light ginger tom.

 **Cats Outside of DimClan:**

Jacobsartouriouspaw: Stupid yellow tom.

Poopaw brown, lumpy tabby tom.


	9. TYSM! :3

**HELLO MY LOVELY SUPPORTERS AND FANS!**

Thank you so so so much for your support! (And your mountain of OC's.) I've noticed many, many, different spin-offs of Tales of WTFland, and I am so proud of all of you! I'm so glad you guys liked my fat stories and decided to make parodies of it! 3

 **BUT JUST REMEMBER** : TALES OF WTFLAND IS THE PARENT STORY, AND **IT WILL BE FOREVER**! AND CHILDREN DON'T JUST ABANDON THEIR PARENTS, SO _PRETTY PLEASE_ IF YOUR PARODY WAS BASED OFF OF TALES OF WTFLAND, KINDLY ACKNOWLEDGE IT SOMEWHERE IN YOUR STORIES! PLES!

Shoutout to another story: Darkmoon's Journey, by Darkmoon198. It's really fascinating and surprisingly good! Please check it out my dears!

 **ALSO ONE MORE THING** : SHOULD I CHANGE CURLYSTAR'S NAME TO TOESTAR? CURLYSTAR ISN'T WEIRD ENOUGH! :l


	10. Hey, there

Hello. I know that I... I haven't been active lately, for... reasons. Don't think twice about me, I'm perfectly okay. I just needed some time to try and collect my thoughts, and to find myself... because I'm really scared that I lost myself trying to be someone else.

I still need more time to rediscover myself, because I'm so confused, I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know anything other than the fact that I'm really sick, mentally and physically, and nothing I do really makes sense or matters anymore.

My "friends" pretty much ignore me and want nothing to do with me... they've made that pretty clear. So much for what that psychiatrist recommended, about talking to people and opening up... my family is NOT an option.

I've spent many nights crying myself to sleep, but I think that I'm getting better... maybe. At least whenever I hear "Hey There Delilah" I don't completely fall to pieces and cry until I fall asleep.

"I'm laughing, I'm crying, it feels like I'm dying." -Melanie Martinez

Goodbye. It might be awhile before you hear from me again.

I've also posted this on my profile, if you want to check it out...


	11. I'm back

Hey. I'm back, and I'm feeling better, and it's going to be okay. At least, that's what he told me.

I met someone. I was sitting in a tree, reading a book when I heard a voice saying, "That's an odd place to be. Mind if I join you? I'm bored."

I let him come into my tree and I let him talk to me. I think he realized how broken I was and he resolved to fix me. He's been by my side ever since. I just wanted to say... thank you, Adrian. I don't think you'll ever see this, but you mean the world to me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

FATSTAR'S BACK! *Toestar jumps into the frame* "ME TOO!"


	12. Chapter 5: IdiotClan

**Chapter Five: IdiotClan**

Stinkypaw lounged around on his pile of leaves, all of them either rotten or limp and slimy. Dullpaw was curled up next to him. He had been an apprentice for only two days, and Dullpaw, who was four moons older, had already fallen in love with him.

Dullpaw blinked open her eyes sleepily and purred. "You're so handsome!"

Stinkypaw flicked his tail. "I know I am."

Just then, his mentor, Bananabrain, bounded out of the undergrowth, her tail twitching irritably.

"Stinkypaw!" she huffed. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just chilling with my babe," Stinkypaw snapped.

"Shouldn't you be hunting?" Bananabrain said irritably. "Breathingpaw has already caught two rabbits and three thrushes!"

"Whatever." Stinkypaw yawned. "He can be a little goody two-paws. I'mma be a rebel!"

Dullpaw purred her approval.

"I'll inform Toestar of that," Bananabrain said dryly before stalking away.

"I don't care!" Stinkypaw yelled after her.

"You're so majestic," Dullpaw breathed.

Stinkypaw smirked. "I know, right?"

 _In Toestar's den…_

"Stinkypaw thinks that he can do what he wants now," Bananabrain said stiffly.

Toestar cocked her head and blinked. "Hmm, you said he was a rebel? Thinks he's better than everyone?"

"Yes," Bananabrain sighed. "I don't know what to do with him."

"I think I do!" Toestar announced. "Since he thinks that he is better than everyone, maybe he is! After all, he is handsome! Handsome toms don't lie!"

Bananabrain just stared at her leader. "What?"

"Don't make me repeat that again!" Toestar griped.

"Okay," Bananabrain said. "I won't."

"Good. I think I'll make him a warrior right now!" Toestar announced.

" _What?"_ Bananabrain spluttered. "But he's only six moons old!"

Toestar shrugged. "Well, he's better than everyone else anyways, so why not? And plus, you won't have to be his mentor anymore…"

Bananabrain furrowed her brow and thought about it. "Hmm, okay! Sure! I fully support it now that you mention I won't have to be his mentor any more!"

Toestar winked and bounded out of her den.

"Let all cats idiotic enough to walk around backwards in circles join under the Idiot Ledge for a Clan meeting!" she bellowed.

The cats pooled around her, and Bananabrain flinched as she saw Doodoo and Kitkat almost smash together and flatten LOLIWANNABURRITOTOSMUSHINYOURFACEpaw. She cringed really hard when she saw Stinkypaw and Dullpaw making out as they padded together into camp.

Toestar noticed this, and her eyes gleamed; she was thinking.

"Okay, we will be making two new warriors today!" Toestar yelled once every cat had settled down around her.

"Dullpaw and Stinkypaw, come on up!"

The Clan thought nothing of two underaged apprentices becoming full-fledged warriors.

"By the power vested in me, even though I am not wearing a vest, I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may not kiss the bride!"

Stinkypaw and Dullpaw started making out once more. The Clan roared and cheered, and Eggmeat and Mushroomposh started sobbing hysterically.

"Okay, now for your warrior names!" Toestar screamed.

"Stinkypaw, from this day forward, you will be known as Stinkydull! And Dullpaw, from this day on, you will be known as Dullstinky! These names are your eternal bond in marriage, you everyone will know that you two belong together forever! And it seals the deal! CONGRATULATIONS!"

The Clan cheered and stomped their paws like crazy. Almost all of them. Threepaw slunk away, tears in his eyes. His brother, Doodoopaw, followed him.

"What's wrong?" Doodoopaw asked.

"Why? Why did they get married? I'll never be able to tell.., to tell…"

"Tell what?" Doodoopaw fretted.

"Tell Stinkydull that I love him!" Threepaw screamed hysterically, before breaking down completely.

"That's pretty gay." Doodoopaw said before sauntering away, all of the sudden not caring at all.

Threepaw howled louder still.

Stinkydull backed away after hearing Threepaw's confession.

 _I've always had a crush on him too, but I've always been too shy to admit it! Darn it! Now I'll never be able to tell him that I love him without being disloyal to Dullstinky! God, I hate life right now!_

Just then, Dullstinky padded up to him as if summoned by his thoughts.

"Um, Stinkydull, can we talk?" she asked.

"Sure." he said.

"I want to get a divorce," she spat. "I actually don't love you at all! Even though you're extremely handsome!"

"I don't like you either," Stinkydull meowed. "I'm gay."

Dullstinky rolled her eyes. "I know, it was actually pretty obvious. Okay, with that aside, we have a real problem."

"What?" Stinkydull asked.

"Well," Dullstinky mewed, "after we just got married right in front of the whole Clan, there's no way they'll let us get divorced."

Stinkydull sighed as the truth of her words sank into him. "Fine. Oh, and by the way, even though we're still technically married, can I date Threepaw?"

Dullstinky shrugged. "Fine by me as long as I can date Largeflank."

"Deal!" Stinkydull exclaimed.

"Deal." Dullstinky repeated.


End file.
